My wife caught me in the dishonesty, secrets and lies about my porn addiction. I was sure my marriage was through. I had tried to stop on my own, but could not. Finally I surrendered and got help by reaching out to Dorothy. She not only showed me the way to freedom from compulsive porn viewing, she handled our couples counseling sessions in a way that allowed us to see each other as allies in recovery. Things have never been better. Thanks, Dorothy, so much.
I had an overwhelming, totally preoccupying S&M fantasy about being humiliated when I met Dorothy Hayden, who was the most brilliant therapist I’ve ever known. It took a few years of analysis, but I’m much more aware now that this phenomenon has it’s roots in a childhood filled with terror about being physically and emotionally abused by my mother. Understanding the reasons I still hung onto that terror, of what function it served for me, helped me to put the frightened child to bed and allowed me to express the strong, healthy adult man who also lived in me. My career and relationships are amazingly better because the voice of the small, terrified child no longer runs me.
I was so happy to have become Dorothy’s client. When we met, my severe sexual addiction and intractable compulsive masturbation was draining me of my life and myself. After 40 years of compulsive masturbation, I felt hopeless that I would ever be able to masturbate like a normal person, never mind enjoy exciting sex with a partner. I needed her help to monitor my hyperarousal and to give me tools to battle my demons. I was totally powerless to regulate my own sexual behavior. All I did was compulsively masturbate myself while struggling with my severe femdom fetish and pornography addiction, and this for 8 to 10 or 12 or more hours a day, every day and night, for decades. That hell is over now.
Dorothy empathized with how distraught I was about having found out about my partner’s sex addiction. She gave me time to breathe and center. At the same time, she also held me responsible for my own life, decisions and feelings. With skillful compassion, she helped me find myself and make a satisfying life for myself whether my partner was acting out or not.